Thursday, December 25, 2014

After many years of anticipation, I can finally say I did it! As I find words to finally end this accomplishing chapter in my life, I want to share my journey with a timeline of all my fails and triumphs.


2006 - The summer of 2006 I become pregnant with Angel at the age of fourteen

2006 - December 2nd I had Angel prematurely at 25 weeks (1lb 13.zo)

2006 - December 12th Angels 1st surgery (PDA surgery)

2007 - February 1st  Surgery #2 laser Therapy

2007 - February 25th Surgery #3 and #4 Bowel Resection 1 & 2

2007 - March 18th Surgery #5 Bilateral Inguinal hernia repair one

2007 - March 28th surgery #6 and #7 Bilateral inguinal hernia repair two and circumcision

2007 - Angel was finally discharge from the NICU and able to go home for the first time. Weighing in at a healthy 6lb

2007 - June Angels last and final surgery, surgery #8 Bowel Resection


2008 - February 2008 found out I was pregnant with Julian

2008 - October 30, 2008 had a healthy 7lb baby boy


2009 - May 2, 2009 the morning I lost a part of me R.I.P Julian Aquilino Ramos

2009 - May 12th My baby's funeral

2009 - June went back to school to finish the year strong

2009 - June 13th Got my first job at the Comfort Inn


2010 - June Graduated high school with my class

2010 - Summer 2010 enrolled in to college

2010 - September Picked up a second job at Charlotte Russe


2012 - Got promoted in May at charlotte and left the hotel

2012 - Started to live in my own

2012 - June -my old beat up car broke down on me, on route 7! (I'm still salty)

2012 - August - bought my first car, all on my own

2012 - September transferred to Express


2014 - Got promoted once more at Express

2014 - April 28th Lost Papi R.I.P

2014 - December 17th Graduation!

and of course they're many more untold stories, but in the past 8 years these are just a few important highlights of my life!

It has been quite a journey, There were many sleepless nights with my boys, school and work. Nights were I cried myself to sleep because I felt so lost and confused, but always hoping never to fail! Those two years I worked two jobs and my only days off were dedicated to going to school and studying. There were days were I didn't want to get out of bed, in fact there was a year (2013) were I had lost the sense and purpose of life. That same year I finally came to a realization that I had lost a son and he wasn't coming back. I honestly believe that year was harder than when I had actually lost him, because then I couldn't believe it and I made sure to block it by burying myself in work, school and friends. Today I'm proud to say I overcame all those obstacles with the help of amazing people in my life, my dear mother, my son, my kicker and one very special professor.


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

                Photo credit: Whitney English (what I'm currently using to stay organized) 

1. Agenda/Planner: For those of you who know me know I'm crazy obsessed with agendas, my obsession started when I became pregnant with Angel. I started out with an average high school planner (you know the ones given to you in the beginning of every school year) I began to use the  planner to help remind myself about upcoming OB appointments, which later then helped me keep track of Angels doctor appointments, to then later helping me keep track of my work schedule and expenses. My planners have become a holy grail in my life it helps keep me in order and organized which helps with my stress.

2. To-do list: To-do lists are a must have to keep you on track and stress free, my agenda is filled with to-do lists, this week my to-do list consist of:
  • Make dentist appointment for Angel 
  • Buy almond milk, kale and almond butter 
  • Write a blog post 
  • Fold laundry before weekend 
  • Update software 
  • Pick up a sketch book for Angel

I know it's nothing special lol but silly reminders like these keep me on track, it helps me feel less overwhelmed when I am able see what needs to get done & there's no greater satisfaction then being able to cross them off my list.

3. Budget your Money: Money, Money, Money .......... Money may be an issue when you don't monthly budget and accurately plan to pay your expenses at the end of each month. I have created a system that works for my lifestyle, instead of paying my bills when they're due I have figured out each due date of each bill and divided my expenses into two, one for the beggining of each month and the other for the end of each month. This way I never overspend/pay everything on time and  can see what extra money I have to splurge :)

4. Jog: Jogging is such a stress reliever, I hate to admit it, but I enjoy jogging the most when I'm angry and my mind is overwhelmed with problems. As I jog, I feel like I let every single one of my frustration out as every step hits the ground. I usually jog by a nearby lake, once I reach the end of the lake I feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and all my problems become so minor and insignificant ..............  thumbs up to jogging for stress.

5. A good book: Oh how I enjoy a good book! The best part is hunting for the best book to read. I can spend hours upon hours at a book store, opening each book and reading the first chapter until I find the perfect one to read, reading helps keep my mind off things.

6. Write down your goal: Writing down my goals gives me a clear view of what needs to get accomplished, almost like a to-do list but focusing more in depth into your life plan. I like to divide my goals into short term and long term: For example

Short term goals
  • Enroll into gradate school 
  • Get fit & healthy 
  • Save X amount of money for 2015 vacation 

Long term goals
  • Work for a marketing firm 
  • Buy a house 
  • Pay off student loans 
These are just a few small examples, writing them down and accomplishing them is such a rewarding feeling. 

7. A good night's rest: I know it feels impossible to get 8 hours of sleep each night, with work, school, children ( if you have any ) and maintaining a social life. Eight hours is just really unrealistic, and finding time to take a nap is a joke. But I have found when I better plan my day and find the right time for a nap and really shutdown from everything else, I'm a better person throughout the next day. 

So with that said better plan your days, shutdown, avoid your phone and computer, pick up a good read and rest at ease ladies <3

|| Happy birthday baby Julian ||

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Dear Julian,

Its been six years since I lost you, Only God knows after so many years I still grieve. Behind closed doors I'm bitter, weak and heart broken. But among family and friends I'm fun, vibrant and full of life. But baby if they only knew, you took a part of me, losing you has been my biggest challenge and living without you has become a chore. Im damaged, your loss has damaged me, its weakened me to my knees, I see no happy ending, not in this life time not without you.

"Happy 6th birthday"

I'm afraid this tragedy has messed with my memory, It's been so long it seems almost like a dream. Its so real but yet so surreal, pictures and home videos keep your memory alive & engraved in my mind and the deepest part of my soul. Your loss has tested my faith and my strength. But as time passes I slowly heal, I now understand that you were given to me for a reason & that reason was to teach me to be strong and appreciate the value of life . To my guardian Angel I wish you happy happy birthday, may you watch over your brother Angel and I and always stand by our side.  || Julian Aquilino Ramos 10.30.08-05.02.09 ||

He was selfish

Saturday, October 25, 2014


In my most recent years of dating it has become a great challenge to find Mr.Right. Not only do I speak for myself, but for many women in the DMV area. Population 9,331,587 people (I looked that up so don't quote me on it) and based on that number I'm not quite sure of the male percentage, but I'm assuming a great deal of them are single, available males, My point with this statistic is that even with 9 million people and a few dogs I'm unable to find Mr. Right.

For many who know me often wonder why I am so determined in finding Mr. Right, many say I'm too young, too independent and too much of a feminist. They ask why on God's earth would I want to meet Mr. Right at this very moment when I should be enjoying myself and not settling down. The answer is simple, I'm not just looking for a quote on quote "boyfriend" what I'm looking for is a relatable and reliable partner, a best friend and someone to build an empire with. 

As I search and scour the ends of the earth for Mr. Big, I've come up with one conclusion, Mr. Right doesn't want to be found or at least not yet. Tick Tock, As this century progresses the pressure of dating becomes insanely intense and many men and women are constantly trying to prove that they're unattainable, uninterested and unavailable. The rules of dating have become mistranslated and shattered due to society!

What we need to understand is that the media is destroying our generation and the true meaning of love and courtship, when did it become so wrong to be in a monogamous relationship? Mens perception of dating has evolved to portray an image the media has made it out to be. Men think it's socially acceptable to have their quote on quote "bitches and hoes" and that women are out to trap them and their money.

Or perhaps it's just the men I'm choosing, men with other issues beyond commitment. Whatever the case may be I decided to put my quest on hold. I need to focus on myself, understand the value of my worth and know what it truly means to love one's self.

P.S No hope has been lost with the meaning of the post, just another window of opportunity for true love. 

Street style

Friday, October 24, 2014

Thank you, to all who have hurt me

Thursday, October 09, 2014

Hey readers,
So I wanted to do something a little different here on Millesimy, I wanted to thank all the people who have hurt me. Most of you are probably wondering why, why would I do such a thing!?!? For starters, I'm a strong believer that dwelling on the past is unhealthy, second because each one of these assholes has made an enormous difference in my persona and ultimately because I've become that much stronger, confident and overall a better human. A better human because I know how much it hurts to be hurt, lied and cheated on and I myself could never image causing such pain to others! Lets begin ......... Father: Thank you for never being there, because of you I know how to build my own furniture, change a tire, defend myself, paint, use a hammer properly, jump start a car, because of you I don't feel the need to depend on a man.
My first love: Thank you for cheating on me, because of you I have experienced a broken heart, learned to repair myself, learned to love myself first, know when someone is lying, cheating or deceiving me, because of you I was inspired to be great and always be better than you! & I am honored to say you are shit compared to me. best wishes fucker :) Jackie: Thank you for sleeping with my boyfriend, you're the reason why I choose my friends wisely My first boss: Thank you for being an asshole, because of you I developed tougher skin in the most intense and frustrating situations David: Thank you for never giving a fuck about your off spring, because of you I get to experience what it feels to be loved by my child and to not have to share it with you, because of you Angel will appreciate that much more High school teacher: Thank you for doubting me, thank you for trying to convince me to go to an alternative school, because of you I worked that much harder to gradate, with my class, enroll in to college and proveed you wrong! Thank you, because of you i've accomplished so much

?: Thank you, because of you I know that family doesn't necessarily mean that they have your best interest in mind

Editor: Fatima Abarca 


Thursday, September 18, 2014

He's just not that into you

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Men are very simple its either A or B and nothing in between, but sometimes our complex minds make men seem a lot more complicated than what they are in reality. We get lost in trying to read them and we start to justify their action and over analyze the situation for what it really is. Its very simple ladies he’s either in to you or isn’t.


The level of respect someone gives to you may be a very strong sign of how much this individual cares about you. If you find that the guy you’re dating doesn’t have a simple courtesy act towards you then he’s just not that into you. Men who are infatuated with women do everything and anything for them, men become an outstanding gentleman for women they care for or are interested in.


When men go “missing in action” it’s typically because they have something to hide. Now when he hasn’t texted you in 4-6 hours or called, it does not mean they are gone M.I.A their just probably busy! Don't get worried. Now if your guy goes 24 hours or days without texting/calling, it may be a sign that his attention isn’t solely being given to just you. I hate to be the barer of bad news, but you are probably sharing your guy with someone else.

Questioning your loyalty

Men who question your loyalty, who seem to have insecurities typically act like this because they’re hiding something. Therefore, they question your every move making you feel frustrated, confused and always having to prove you innocence. Do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel this way?

Picking fights

This is always a red flag, men who constantly pick fights for no reason, reasons you can’t even logically explain yourself. Usually they pick them at the most inappropriate times, like for example you have a date night coming up and they pick a fight and cancel your date night (he’s doing it for a reason). Then later they act like nothing ever happened and make it seem like you’re always out to make him mad. Yea! Sounds familiar?  Be careful with these men they know what they're doing, you should not be getting into it so soon; the begging is always about butterflies, rainbows, confetti and shit. He's doing it to be more available to his other broads!

I know reading this may be difficult if you’re in a similar situation, but its almost a chance to reflect on it and ask yourself, "do I love myself more or do I enjoy always being number two?" You also may find yourself dating men like this because you're probably just not ready to be in a committed relationship. If that's the case, stop dating!! Give yourself a chance; learn to love and take care of yourself before you go rushing into something that isn’t healthy. Secondly, ask yourself if being in a situation like this is worth all the worries and insanity. Putting yourself in these predicaments may be the result of you never find true love. With that said... love yourself first, reflect and move on!

"Love yourself first, reflect & move on"

Stranger what are you so afraid of? .........

Thursday, August 28, 2014


To: Stanger who left a footprint

From: Feeding the fear


Sometimes we’re afraid to love & be loved, this fear may come from a deep routed issue as a small child, or just simply being hurt and deceived from past relationships. Whatever your case may be it affects you, him, her and us in different ways. Some loose hope and can never trust again others will feed off of this fear, but why is that?

Never trust again:

Why is it that some of us loose all hope, our pain and mistrust in people makes us doubt that there’s any good left. We expect nothing but less and never give the benefit of the doubt in “good” in people we forget how it is to love, believe, and trust in someone. We set ourselves up for failure, because the moment we feel like we’re getting to close we pull back, it doesn’t have to be like this but our fear won’t allow us to get any closer.  The “never trust again’s” are left empty and always looking for the next person to fulfill that empty feeling, but it can never be found when we’re constantly searching for it without really wanting it.

Feeding the fear:

   Those who feed off of the fear are those who have been dragged, kicked and tossed around, this is all they know and they will always trust the fear. The fear makes them weak and trustful, we give ourselves with all that we have, and we trust the lies because it’s familiar to us. We hope to modify the “never trust again’s” because we relate to them, we hope that we can come together with our pain and mistrust and fix each other, but instead we’re both left with emptiness & regret!

If you can relate, remember not everyone is out to hurt you! Let go of your past and let yourself be loved because the day you' push away the only good thing in your life someone else will learn to appreciate. Her/him  don't give anyone that chance, a chance of your happiness! Love, live and forgive.


“Loving, trusting and forgiving the FEAR is a vicious cycle”


Thursday, August 21, 2014

 | Left: Lorenzo Middle: Adrian Right: Angel (super tan lol) |

It's never a dull moment with these little ones are around

Today I decided to capture my nephews in their cutest poses, each photo captures their individual personality. 

You know he's trouble when .......

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A women's curse isn't loving, but it's loving with all that they have. I would never consider a woman to be weak! but when it comes to loving our judgment isn't the clearest, we become weak, dumbfounded & oblivious. In the past I've have had my shares of many frail moments when it comes to love, but over the years I've come to a realization that I no longer have to be weak mined when it comes to men. I have the ability & strength to over come any cocky ass motherf^&$er who comes my way and I now know how to control the situation, to always be two steps ahead and never fail to fall to easily. Control the situation: The number one mistake females make when it comes to to "dating" would have to be playing way to many games, being up front about wanting a relationship dose not make you weak or disparate. It shows your worth & what you're all about, many women won't admit to wanting a relationship from the jump for the simple facts that they think the guy may no longer be interested. If that's the case "F*CK IT & F*CK HIM" why would you wanna be with him anyways, boo its not going anywhere, trust! there is and will be that one guy who's on the same page. Two steps ahead: Sometime men are great at making you feel like your his number one, which means they will play along with the whole relationship idea. Not all men will but same may, watch out for these sneaks! there are many signs & clues that should alert you to drop his ass before you become his next victim 1. Excuses, excuses, excuses; men who seem to always come up with an excuse as to why that can't hang out, call, didn't text and so on and so forth are the type of men who aren't about you. Sorry to say it, but his mind is wandering & mostly likely 95% of his thoughts aren't about you. 2. If he's always adamant about you always coming over to cuddle and watch Netflix, "DON'T DO IT IT'S A TRAP" Men who are never about spending his money on you or just simply never taking you out, he just wants the booty he isn't in it for you. 3. The list goes on on but I'm not going to get into all that, you should all know the shady shit men have done from past experiences! feel free to comment and share your experiences with the rest of us <3 (open discussion anyone?) Falling to easily: ladies always stay on top your game, if you're dating; date! Go on date's don't just settle for one, make them work for it, see who impresses you the most, have fun with it. If you only confine yourself to a single person you're setting yourself up for failure, because you are solely focused on that one individual making it very possible to fall for him. "Lust is a strong drug stay away from it, it won't bring you any good"

Back to Black

Thursday, July 24, 2014

lets talk Breast

Friday, July 11, 2014

Recently I made a life changing decision about my body, I decided to get a Breast augmentation. It's no secret that recently got a "boob job". I've been openly posting about it on IG and have informed close friends/family about my new and improved change. I decided that I would blog about my experience since I've gotten a ton of questions after surgery & thought that this would be a a good place to explain why, how, cost and everything else. As long as I can remember I've always been fascinated with breast. Boobs have always symbolized womanhood, sexiness & beauty to me. It's one of the main characteristics that tell us women apart from men.
As a young girl going through puberty, I quickly realized that I wasn't as gifted as most girls in middle-school. My mother being a small A and I luckly I graduated to become a full B. 

The summer of 2006 I found out that I was pregnant with Angel & for those who know me know that I had Angel at a very young age, fourteen to be precise and like most mothers I decided to breast feed. Unfortunately Angel was a premature baby (25 weeks gestation) because of that Angel had to be tube fed for many many weeks. Which meant that I had to consistently breast pump. It wasn't long until I realized the damage that breast pumping had done to my "so called" "once upon a time perky" full sized B's boobies making them a FLAT out small B (I emphasize flat). In 2008 I found out I was pregnant with baby#2 Julian (RIP 10.30.08-05.02.09) Joy! I also made a conscious decision to breastfeed & pump with my baby boy! I don't regret breast feeding whatsoever, it was a very thought out decision and I knew my children deserved the "breast" lol get it "breast" hahaha ....... Ater all that trauma my breast went through I was left feeling sad and mutilated. I had an extreme metal breakdown all I could see in the mirror was saggy "mom boobs" at the age of sixteen. I was devastated with the way my breast looked. Mind you, I was & am a single mother of two/now one, so I never had a I significant other judge or influence these thoughts about my body. It was all about what I knew and how I felt in my own skin. I know that in this day in age, society tries to teach our young girls about body image and how important it is to love oneself. However in my case it wasn't about not loving myself, it was more of a self battle of horror. Knowing that I could go through my entire youth with breast that reassembled my mothers who is in her mid-late 60's

Key things to think of when thinking of getting an augmentation: Surgeon Cost Saline v.s silicon Over or under the muscle Size Incision Recovery time Mental preparation

All right, let's get to what y'all want to know cost, pain, size, recovery and more. First I want to start out by saying my PS (plastic surgeon) is awesome! I can't stress how much Dr. Klanier and his staff made me feel comfortable, safe and at ease throughout the entire pre-op and post-op experience. Cost is determined on whether you want saline or silicone, Saline was my choice, and it's about a thousand dollars cheaper! true story. But the difference in price is not the reason I chose saline & I won't get into why I chose saline because will be here all day. My best advice would do your research and do what makes you feel comfortable. Over or under the muscle again; it depends on your surgeon; my surgeon gave me the pros and cons about both & explained that he preferred it to be under the muscle. I trusted and valued his opinion and chose under the muscle based on the facts he presented, But again this is ultimately your decision. All I have to say about size is "go big or go home" lol, if you think you want a certain size time that by two. trust me I did, and I'm glad I did (I still wish I could have gone bigger). I read way too many horror stories online about women going under and coming back unsatisfied due to the size, not only is it expensive, but recovery time is a fucking pain!! Deciding where you won't your incision, you have three options under the armpit, areola or under the fold of your breast. Do your research I preferred not to scar, so I did it through the nips, ladies don't knock the idea of getting through the nips. If you're, allow your body to heal properly and do as your surgeon say you will find sensation again, I know I did, if anything I have way more sensation then I did before post-op! I could sit here and lie & tell you that the recovery is a piece of cake and the meds your surgeon provides will having you recovery like a sweet angelic angel, but that's a bunch of BS! Thankfully, I had an amazing & helpful brother who cared for me through this traumatic experience(I can be very dramatic), I couldn't eat on my own shower, use the restroom, brush my hair stand or sit on my own, so please make sure you have someone to help you. Recovery takes about five to seven days and about three weeks after that life seems a little normal, but in reality it takes about three months for a full recovery. I went back to work on day five, and I wanted to kill myself. I work retail, and I stand about 8-9 hours a day so I mostly felt the pain in my lower-back and I was unable to lift my arms, request off of work for about a week and a half I regret not doing so. Hey! beauty is pain, right? last but not least, make sure this is something you want, and don't focus your time and energy reading about the horrible stories about breast augmentations gone wrong! you will psych yourself out I know I did and there were times that I didn't want to go through with my operation, but fortunately my loves who were supportive convinced me to go through with it. All right lets recap; I choose Dr.kaliner to be my surgeon, it cost about $6,000, and I had 370cc-saline implants filled at 450cc with an incision through the nips and went back to work 5 days after post-op, but recommend a longer recovery time, and I'm extremely happy with my results! p.s when you meet your surgeon for the first time, please make sure to take a list of questions this helped me and will help you know all the facts before going through the process! Here is my list hopes it helps and feel free to add more to yours I know I did! Oh, & for the love of God, please insure your breast! its only about hundred bucks extra, worth every penny!!!

How to get over a break up

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Break ups are never an easy situation unless you're the dick doing the breaking! Unfortunately I've had my shares of horrible break ups and still can't seem to master on how to handle a break up properly. Some how I usually always wind up in a horrible funk which include sweatpants, ice-cream, sobbing, Netflix, texting the breakiand sometimes drunken calls (hey I'm not proud of myself). Even though the first portion of my post makes me sound pathetic, in my defense, I wouldn't say that for the duration of my heart recovery I've spent moping around the house like a slob. This weak, pathetic stage of my break up lasts no more than two weeks or until I find sanity again lol. Alright now that I've established how ugly I can become after a break up lets get into the nitty-gritty "How to get over that asshole" Step 1: First you have to accept that there's nothing, absolutely wrong with you, you just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time when you Unfortunately met this low life! Step 2: Delete delete delete! Delete pictures, videos, his number, his friends/family numbers, & delete him out of your heart Step 3: Block block, block! Unfortunately, we live in the twenty-first-century where, we're able to stalk the living hell out of these assholes! Careful now you don't want to become a psycho ex-girlfriend. If you can't control the urge to go through his Facebook, Instagram or Twitter account etc....... then you must block him off every single social media site, that way you don't obsess on checking up on him! This will also help through your grieving process........ oh & don't forget to block him off your phone you don't want him contacting you! Step 4: Enjoy yourself, love yourself and embrace the freedom of being single! Go out with your girls let loose and enjoy the company of your girlfriends! Pick an awesome novel to read, join a yoga class but mainly focus on yourself & allow your heart to remold its self into new <3 Step 5: key his car for your own satisfaction ................................(that's if he has one!) Peace. love. hope
Peace. love. hope 

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